I had the best conversation the other day with my mom. We were waiting in the smallest waiting room known to man sitting side by side in two completely hideous rose and teal upholstered chairs. We sat there for over an hour waiting for an appointment with my surgeon talking about work, school, quilting, and the rosy pressed paper “art” that hung from a white washed frame next to us. We were talking about a familiar topic; my future plans, as glorious and I’ll be honest, constantly changing as they may be. Anybody who knows me knows that I am a planner.
What you may not know about me though, is that I have a tendency to settle. I take the easy or safe way rather than going all in and holding out for what I really truly want. It’s ironic because I had noticed this tendency in one specific area of my life, but had not necessarily noticed it when it came to school and my career, the two things of late, I am striving most towards. I am a fairly (okay fine, extremely) driven person, and challenges tend to push me to excel where others would fail. What I have come to realize is that it tends to be logic and responsibility that get me off track. For example: I choose the “smart” route and go for the job that is more readily available, easier to obtain, or better paying rather than the job that would be absolutely…amazing. I let the stuff I own tie me down, and ultimately keep me from pursuing the things that I was fashioned to do. The house, my current job, these are the variables in my life, someday they will change…its inevitable. And yet….I am basing so much of my future on them.
Ultimately I think what I have realized is that I am free. I don’t always have to sacrifice what I want for “the better investment” or better put “the safe route” because at the end of the day, my ways aren’t His ways. There isn’t a fork in the road where a sharp left takes you to family and grandchildren, and the right takes you to Europe and owning your studio. I don’t have to choose. The truth is God has exceedingly abundantly above ANYthing I can hope or ask….in every area of my life.
Every time I settle, I lose. Every time I choose to receive less than what God has for me, I lose. I don’t want to lose anymore. I want the absolute best. Every…stinking…time. So here’s to holding out for the absolute best, for actively looking for my plans becoming His plans and those roads coming up to meet my every step…
(annnnnd because they are awesome....)
“Caves” –CHIODOS
Are you ready to take a chance and risk it all?
It's do or die, fight or flight
Do you want to feel alive? (feel alive)
So would you play a game of russian roulette to save your life?
Are you in? Are you in?
Or will you flee to safety and wonder what could've been?
Don't be afraid, don't ever be afraid
Oh, you've been hiding, you've been hiding
You've been hiding in the shadows
You're trapped in a cave, confined
Falling back to the comfort of your world
The last time you walked away from this
You were looking back to see what you missed
